The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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