The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
