phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
