She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
