id be glad to
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
