I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
