How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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