If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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