Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Randomize
