Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
