i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
