It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
