'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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