True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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