I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
