My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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