she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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