Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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