when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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