im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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