would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
