We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
