there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
