You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
