Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
