Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
