Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
