no you cant smoke seaweed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
