Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just pee around me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
