remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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