Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
