god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
