as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
