Are we in a gay sports bar?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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