I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
