hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
