I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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