Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
