i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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