I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
