I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
