I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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