you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
