he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
