I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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