yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
