We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
