My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
