I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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