Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
