he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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